Stressed about staying sober this December? Here’s how you can maintain your sobriety during the trigger-heavy silly season.
Christmas and the holiday season bring joy and a sense of hope to many people worldwide, but for a person in addiction recovery, the holidays can also be a stressful time.
If you’re new to sobriety, you may be dreading the holiday season, from events that have a heavy alcohol presence to avoiding a relapse during a high-stress (if joyful) time.
Those who are new to recovery still have hope, however. There are measures you can take to stay sober and keep on track with long-term recovery goals during the holiday season.
Addiction expert Sheryl Rahme says December is usually thought of as a fun and relaxing time but, in reality, it can be a depressing and lonely time for many.
Rahme says people who have recently stopped drinking or using may find the festive period particularly difficult the first few years and may feel sensitive to the fact that they are different from those without an addiction.
“Additionally, maybe their last couple of festive periods have been the worst time of their lives and they may be faced with these memories and either get stuck in euphoric recall or remember the hurt and pain associated with those times.
“At this time of year, I do think that addicts get caught up in the festive vibe and want to feel ‘normal’ and ‘part of’. Our society equates alcohol with relaxing, socialising, connecting and having fun. It is easy to feel lonely in a group of people.
“People in early recovery might use this and come up with poor excuses to stop working on their recovery, such as ‘I want to take a break’, ‘no one will know if I have just one’, ‘I can take a break from meetings and pick it up again in January’ or ‘my sponsor is probably busy, I shouldn’t worry her’,” she said.
Below, Rahme shares 10 tips to keep you safe over this period that can help you enter the new year with your recovery intact.
Be aware of potential triggers
The “silly season“ comes with potentially powerful triggers. When exposed to a trigger it can cause automatic thoughts and cravings that gain momentum with rationalisations and eventually lead to a relapse.
There are some common triggers as well as some that are particular to each individual. A popular acronym used in recovery circles is HALTS.
H – hunger. A – anger. L – loneliness. T – tiredness. S – sickness. These five situations can trigger thoughts of using and cravings.
It’s important to eat regularly, get enough sleep, ensure you stay connected to others, deal with anger appropriately and take care of yourself if you start to feel sick.
This will go a long way in keeping your recovery on track. There are myriad other triggers that only you can identify. But you must know what your particular triggers are and do your best to avoid them. For example, don’t buy cigarettes at the bottle store or spend time with friends who you used to drink or use with.
Keep a recovery routine
Your addiction never took a break over the holiday season so why should your recovery?
Keep your recovery routine in place over the festive season. Continue to go to your usual 12-step meetings and if you go away, research meetings at your holiday destination.
If there are no meetings there, join online meetings regularly. Continue with all the other recovery activities you have become accustomed to including daily meditation, step work, checking in with your sponsor, and reading recovery literature or whatever else has become part of your daily practice. Keep to your routine.
Keep your days as normal as possible and reach out to the fellowship as well as partake in fellowship activities. And live just for today. Stay focused on the present. Use your recovery resources such as your sponsor, your previous treatment centre and other support groups.
Connect with other people in recovery
Surround yourself with healthy, sober-minded and supportive people. One of the best ways to safeguard your recovery is to keep connected to other people in recovery.
If you are concerned about being triggered at a particular event, take a sober friend with you. A recovery friend will be able to understand what you are going through and will be best able to support you.
If you can’t take a recovery friend along with you then have a list of sober people to call in case of an emergency. Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and call these people. There is a lot of support in the recovery space and all you have to do is ask for it.
Have an exit plan
For any situation, you find yourself in these holidays, have a well-thought-out exit plan. If you are going to get together, make sure you park somewhere where it will be easy for you to leave quickly.
If you don’t have your own transport then arrange transport so that you can leave when you want to. If you think you will be pressured to stay by others at the event, then do not tell them when you are leaving and send them a message afterwards to say goodbye.
You must be able to leave a situation if you are triggered in any way.
Don’t drink zero-alcohol drinks
It may be tempting to drink zero-alcohol drinks to fit in or feel ‘normal’. However, these drinks are incredibly dangerous for people with an addiction.
They taste like real alcohol and can serve as powerful triggers to your brain, which interprets them as if they are alcoholic drinks. Your brain may then start to crave real alcohol and this can lead to an unintentional relapse.
Non-alcoholic beers are for ‘non-alcoholics’. They do contain a very small amount of alcohol and are still sold in the alcohol section. Denial strategies addicts use include that they ‘miss the taste of beer or cider or wine’.
This is rubbish. They miss the effect, not the taste. When our brain tastes the hops taste in a non-alcoholic beer it is just going to ask for the real thing. A lot of people relapse this way because it doesn’t taste like cold drinks, it tastes like alcohol.
Talk and communicate
One thing we learn in recovery is to talk about what’s going on with us. This includes our feelings and thoughts, especially if we have thoughts of using or are experiencing cravings.
This should continue during the holiday period. Sharing our difficulties is a healthy way we protect our recovery. Often the thoughts and plans to use or drink die on exposure.
However, if you keep these thoughts secret you are more likely to act on them. Communicate with a trusted family member, your sponsor or other friends in recovery.
Try something new
A trigger faced by many, especially once the business of the year slows down over the festive season, is boredom.
Keep busy to avoid boredom and try new and exciting activities to keep things interesting. Of course, it is important to choose activities that you can enjoy sober such as bowling, a moonlit walk along the beach or watching a play at the theatre.
You could also take a class or sign up for a workshop – find out what is available in your area.
Ask for the family to have sober events
This might seem controversial but if your family is willing to sacrifice alcohol temporarily, it is encouraged. Having sober events is a very helpful way of keeping you safe over the festive season.
By finding it essential to drink during this time, you’re showing your addicted less love, or are implying that fun and relaxation are synonymous with alcohol.
That’s the message they get – that they will never be able to have fun or relax again. This is untrue. We learn in treatment or in recovery spaces that you can have fun and relax in many different, healthier ways.
If all else fails, stay at home
If it seems too overwhelming or you are concerned that the family event or holiday will put your recovery in danger – stay at home.
This might seem difficult, especially if you don’t want to disappoint your family, but if they support your recovery, they will understand the choices you make to keep yourself safe.
There is always next December or future events or holidays that you can partake in when you have been in recovery for longer and you feel stronger.
Be kind to yourself
This is probably the most important piece of advice.
We can be very hard on ourselves, especially if we are still living in shame of our behaviour while using or drinking or if our friends and family are still hurt because of the pain we have caused.
It is important to remember that although we have to take responsibility for our past actions, we have a brain disease and we are doing everything we can to get better and strengthen our recovery.
Be kind to yourself and pat yourself on the back for how far you have come. Be proud of your recovery because it is never an easy process and requires constant work and attention.