Durban - Children’s mental health specialist Natasha Freemantle has challenged parents to think about how the everyday stresses of life caused by load shedding affect their interactions with their children.
Freemantle used the analogy of an empty glass to which water is added for every stressful or challenging moment you encounter throughout the day. The amount of water depends on the level of anger or anxiety that moment caused you.
“I want you to think about your average day and how many stress triggers we as parents encounter throughout the day caused by the current state of the country,” she said.
These include:
- traffic jams on the way to and from work caused by load shedding
- inability to do your work properly and meet deadlines due to load shedding
- your standard grocery shop bill going up again
- the rise in interest rates and your loan repayments
- worrying how to stretch your budget to the end of the month
- rushing home in traffic, rushing to make dinner before load shedding hits, plus there’s no water in the taps for bath time.
She explained that early evenings are a time when children generally act out.
“They are tired, they haven’t seen their parents all day and they’ll do anything for some of your attention. However, your tolerance cup is almost full, so for you this challenging behaviour tips you over the edge and you ‘flip your lid’, spilling emotions everywhere, all over your child,” said Freemantle.
Freemantle said all parents have moments when they aren’t proud of their parenting.
She said parents are only human and sometimes their emotions get the better of them.
The current state of things has parents operating at a high level of anxiety and stress all day, every day, without a break, she said.
“This means that our emotions are likely to be getting the better of us more often and our children are getting the worst of our behaviour more regularly,” said Freemantle.
Freemantle said repeated displays of anger from a parent that are more severe than the expected consequence for the challenging behaviour of a child means that a child may come to view the parent as a threat or may make the parent a source for their own anxiety as they cannot predict their responses to their actions.
“Prolonged over time, this may start to take away from their secure attachment and this is something no child deserves or should have to experience. Attachment theory has shown that the impact of an insecure attachment is lifelong and presents many challenges in future relationships,” she said.
Freemantle explains ways to handle emotions:
- In moments of extreme stress, walk away, take a deep breath, and remind yourself they are only children and often their behaviour is age appropriate. Return and set boundaries in a calm manner.
- Practise gratitude. It removes some of the water from your cup so that there is more room for other new stressors. Gratitude has been scientifically proven to improve your frame of mind.
- Take time for self-care. It is not selfish to choose a small part of your day to exercise, practise a hobby or just be quiet. You will be able to give your children and your partner a better version of yourself.
- Many of our current stressors are predictable, for example load shedding and traffic. Do what you can to make them less difficult to endure.
“We are all doing the best we can, but we must be mindful of the impact these continuous, stressful times are having on our kids and our relationship with them. Be kind to yourself and know that you won’t always get it right, and when you don’t take a moment to repair it, apologise for your outburst, shower them with love and move forward together,” she said.