When a car company loans you a set of wheels to evaluate for more than a month, usually over the December holiday period, there's always a lot to say about it in the road test.
Were it an Audi R8, for instance, I could wax lyrical about how (at best) it magically transformed me into a talented racing driver or (at worst) turned me into an illegal diamond trader by day and fearsome gangster/night club owner by night.
Even if it was a Chinese car assembled by some backyard operation posing as a car company, I could take pleasure in telling you how rubbish it was; were it a chic French car, on the other hand, I might be able to consult my French dictionary (Google) for some swanky terms to describe how cool it is.
But when the car in question ended up being a Volkswagen Tiguan 2.0 TDI 4x2 with BlueMotion technology, I could almost feel the writer's block building up in my fingers.
Then, while reflecting on my holiday and all its misadventures, the name Charles Darwin popped into my head. This would simply be the perfect vehicle for him, methinks. Except the ecosystem called the South African road network brings a whole new meaning to the term 'survival of the fittest'.
IT CAN HANDLE OUR ROADS
Some of our roads, like the one I encountered in the Memel area of KZN, are so badly potholed that they might as well tear up the tar and just make it a dirt road. In fact that's just what they've done in one stretch.
With its 200mm ground clearance and compliant suspension, the Tiguan soaked up these diabolical roads in great comfort, taking much of the stress out of the journey. The ride quality is truly excellent.
If there's anything worse than the roads themselves, it's some of the idiots on them. Here a vehicle like the Tiguan has a distinct advantage over traditional ladder-frame SUVs and bakkies, being stable and agile enough to swerve for kamikaze overtakers and potholes alike. In fact its four-link rear axle makes it among the best, even among the softroader contingent, when it comes to the ride/handling balancing act.
GREAT IN TRAFFIC
City traffic can test one's patience at the best of times, but the Tiguan was so easy to live with that it became like the Mr Min of traffic headaches, minus the cheesy smile. Besides the fact that it is easy to stall (a common VW TDI trait) and that there is a hint of lag on pull-off, there was virtually nothing about the driving experience that annoyed me.
Finding a comfortable driving position is easy, the gearshift is smooth as custard, the pedals are well-spaced and the steering is fairly intuitive.
IT COUNTERS INFLATION
It's no secret that drivers, particularly in Gauteng, are facing a painful financial pakslae - fuel prices that border on ludicrous, e-tolling, emissions tax on new vehicles…
Luckily this Tiguan's 2-litre commonrail turbodiesel engine is extremely efficient. I covered a good 1500km of open road in it and the on-board litres-per-100km number was habitually in the early sixes.
Economical for an SUV, but there is a price to pay for those that insist on performance. With just 81kW and 280Nm on tap, it's not very familiar with the concept of speed. It's good enough in town, but tackle a steep hill or overtaking manoeuvre on the open road and you'll need to work that engine and gearbox.
Rivals like the Kia Sportage and Ssangyong Korando diesels offer far more performance for the money, both having 130kW on command.
IT HAS SOME CLASS
While I generally couldn't give a hoot whether there's a Ssangyong or Rolls Royce badge on my bonnet, the sales charts show that South Africans are a rather image-conscious bunch. Here the Tiguan's elegant styling (even more so after the recent facelift) and sought-after Veedub badge will give it the edge with many consumers.
Even inside you'll find that solid and classy tactile finish that of the kind that made the Golf so sought after, even though the design is looking a little dated. And while we're on that subject, the Tiguan offers enough space to fit a family of five in comfort, including generous rear legroom and a reasonably sized 470 litre boot.
Standard specification is hardly of cruise liner standards - you pay extra for leather seats, satnav, dual climate control and the likes - yet it does pack most of the kit you'll ever need as standard, including cruise control, multifunction steering wheel and an eight-speaker sound system with aux input.
VERDICT
The Tiguan isn't necessarily the best softroader choice for those seeking sporty style or performance, but it is easily the most refined, most elegant and least fuel-thirsty vehicle in its class - making it one of the best ways to survive South Africa's roads. Charles would have approved.
PRICE
VW Tiguan 2.0 TDI Trend&Fun (81kW) - R294 800
ALTERNATIVES
Hyundai ix352.0 CRDi GLS (130kW) - R314 900
Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDI (130kW) - R303 995
Nissan Qashqai 1.5 dCi Acenta (78kW) - R275 500
Ssangyong Korando e-XDi 200 (130) - R294 995