Johannesburg – With Valentine’s Day being celebrated next week, sexual relations are bound to be part of the festivities.
But during these challenging times, intimacy might be put on the back burner as stressed out couples battle the obstacles of daily life.
Two Gauteng sex store owners are hoping to come to lovers’ rescue for the most romantic day of the year and with the help of their toys and paraphernalia, the female entrepreneurs want to help couples spice things up between the sheets.
“When we were kids we always had toys so now that we are adults, it doesn't mean we should stop playing,” Sharon Gordon, the owner of Lola Montez and Saturday Star columnist said this week.
“Sex toys are the perfect way to take your relationship to the next level.”
These sentiments were shared by Dalene Brand, the owner of Pure Plesier Sensual Boutique in Pretoria, who also encouraged couples to temporarily put their problems aside and to use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for intimacy.
“Sex is very important for you. It has been proven to make you happier and there is nothing as good as an orgasm,” Brand believes.
“Everyone should have sex and everyone should enjoy it.”
Both Brand and Gordon have made it their life’s work to class up the notorious sex industry, and with the help of their products and expertise, are hoping to improve the sex lives of their clients.
Brand was elated to have already achieved this during the 10 years years of running her sensual boutique in Erasmuskloof.
“I have saved a few marriages where husbands had already moved out,” she proudly proclaimed.
For Gordon, a lawyer turned sex store owner which operates from Johannesburg’s Hyde Park corner, her passion is to help people find pleasure, something she firmly believes everyone is entitled to.
“Lola Montez is about pleasure, understanding your pleasure, that you are entitled to it, and that there is nothing dirty or wrong with having great sex.”
Gordon, who has been in the business for 21 years and the first woman in South Africa to spearhead the industry, also believes that this is not just limited to those in relationships or youngsters.
She urged people from all walks of life to enjoy sex toys and products because everyone deserves to “play” and have pleasure.
“Sex toys are just like tupperware with batteries. We need to normalise it and remove the stigma from it.”
Gordon believes that this misconception has led to the “orgasm gap”, something women experience much less than men.
“Many women feel like they don't deserve to orgasm and that is something I desperately want to change. One of the things about toys that is misconceived is that people think that it is only those who are single or desperate, but the whole thing about it is that they are meant for play and for fun so if you battle to orgasm, toys will help.”
And at Lola Montez, there is a range of toys to choose from and Gordon believes that she and her team have the skills and experience to match the right one to each individual.
“Toys are the best wingman on the planet,” she insisted.
She added that strides made in the sex industry have made sex toys safer than ever before to enjoy.
“The toy industry has got classier, and the toys are much nicer, more beautiful, and the materials are no longer made with plastic jelly but with medical grade silicones.”
Over the years, the sex industry has come a long way from intimidating toys which were then largely sold in sleazy stores with blacked out windows.
Gordon and Brand offer aesthetically pleasing shops where their clients can feel comfortable to explore the sex world.
“My boutique is a classy and safe space for people to come and shop and we have a rule that when men come and there is a lady inside, they have to wait for her to finish before they can enter to ensure discreet shopping,” said Gordon.
And like almost everything else, sex toys have also gone digital.
“Technological sex toys have been a new trend over the past few years and they are so popular in South Africa,” Gordon said.
Among these are app enabled toys which can be operated from different parts of the world.
“They enable intimacy to continue even with long distances,” Brand explained.
Air suction toys are also wildly popular, Gordon added, and said that it allows imaginations to run wild.
“These toys allow you to live out your fantasies which is great fun and a valuable experience for couples. If you close your eyes while using them, it is a safe way to explore a threesome fantasy.”
The Lola Montez owner is also passionate about female empowerment and she believes that her business helps women to feel better about themselves.
“Sex toys help to bridge the orgasm gap which can also be emotional because women on average experience far less orgasms than men.”
Women experiencing menopause is also something Gordon wants to help females with, something she also personally experienced.
“I have gone from having a fantastic libido in my 30s to having menopause so I have empathy for what my older clients are going through.”
Meanwhile, Brand added that as menopause has an impact on a woman’s body which directly affects her sex life, much of her products are geared towards assisting with this.
“Women think when they reach menopause, they don't need to enjoy sex anymore but this is the most exciting time of your life, because we are so much more open to life during that time. It's the perfect opportunity to explore your sensuality,” said Brand.
Gordon also believes that whether a woman is in a relationship or not, she is responsible for her own sexual pleasure.
“Lola Montez is all about education and empowerment and sex is not what we see in porn because that is all staged. A lot of women don't believe in sex toys because they believe that men are responsible for their pleasure but breaking this patriarchy is something I am passionate about.
“We must take responsibility for our own journey and not just lie there and put up with terrible sex just to be loved and adored, because the reality is that unless we love and adore yourselves first, we can't love others properly.”
Brand agreed and added that women have the power through sex and with the help of toys and products, to create a happy and healthy intimate relationship.
“I have been happily married for the past 30 years and it's not perfect but we have a great sex life and I think that the magic ingredient with sex is intimacy. If you want to have a happy relationship, keep your husband satisfied.”
She suggested making your partner and your sex life a priority, something that can be enhanced by sex toys and products.
“Once a week or so, have a date night; even at home where you light sensual candles, have a bubble bath and just spend time together.”
Gordon also suggested starting small when it comes to spicing up intimate relations.
“Figure out if you are a G-Spot, Clit girl or both and then start with lube play and don't take it too seriously. There is so much value in making orgasms much easier, as well as having humour, intimacy and shared experiences with your partner.”
Both women also advocate for open communication with their partner as well as their friendship circles when it comes to sex.
“Attitudes around sex are changing, but at a very slow pace because people don't want to openly talk about it,” said Gordon.
“I think it's the way we have been brought up and the saddest thing about my shop is that the people who need it the most will never come here, because they think it’s sleazy, but we need a mindset change,” said Brand.