As widespread as the narrative of absent fathers is in South Africa, there is another reality of fathers who are denied access to their children for one reason or the other.
And June being the month when Fathers Day is celebrated, this is a particularly difficult month for fathers who have difficulty getting access to their children and having a relationship with them.
Like in the case of 32-year-old Lesego Tsiu from Pretoria, who is currently in a battle of being denied access to his two children.
Tsiu and his ex-wife have been divorced for two-years now, and he believes that this wife has been using the kids as a weapon to “deal with him”.
“Access to them is a form of reward. For two years, seeing them has been a nightmare, even though I provide for them financially. For example, we would agree that I will get the kids on (a particular) Friday and tell them this when speaking on the phone but come Thursday night or Friday morning, an excuse will be found for us to get into an argument and my kids will be kept away from me.
“She keeps saying that if I want to spend a weekend with the kids, I must leave my house where I'm staying with my current partner, who is heavily pregnant and go home so that the kids don't see her.
“I have told her she couldn't hold me to ransom using the kids or dictate how I should live my life and who I can be with or not,” says Tsiu, adding that he is close to giving up the fight and giving her full control over the kids, and he will see the kids when they are older.
“She can be the one to explain to them why they can't see their father.”
Tsiu says being denied access to his children has pained him so much and Father’s Day is a day filled with pain for him.
“What's sad is that it brings back memories of a friend I buried earlier this year who killed himself because his ex-girlfriend was denying him access to his kids. It became so unbearable for him that he felt the best thing was not to be in this world.
“The thought of Father’s Day fills my heart with pain. It's as though someone has pushed a knife deep into my heart and keeps turning it to maximise the pain.
“The saddest part of all of this is that they will only know their siblings when they are adults and won't grow up together. I should be looking forward to the birth of my other child but knowing that the kids will probably meet each other as adults breaks me to my core,” he says.
According to Isaac Moselane - an attorney who specialises in family, commercial, cyber and entertainment law - this issue is ignored by mainstream media because it doesn't suit the narrative of assisting those who are vulnerable.
Moselane adds that fathers are vulnerable too and at most are frustrated with being unable to have access to their children.
“Most of these men do not know where to go for help, the institution of the Family Advocate is not known to them. Those who are able to go to the Family Advocate, the mother does not show up at the mediation and the recommendations sent to the clerks of the Children's Court are almost never made an order of Court,” he said.
“Those who have parental agreements and the mothers still refuse contact, the SAPS refuse to arrest those mothers despite the Children's Act stating that it is a criminal offence to ignore a parental order.”
Moselane further adds that it is the maternal family that, in most cases, decides the terms for a father to have access to his children.
Terms such as "damages'' and financial position of the father are considered and when they (fathers) cannot fulfil those, they are refused access.
“There is the Children's Bill which will finally give the Family Advocate more deciding powers when a mother does not attend mediation BUT as long as the police still claim that they cannot register violation of a parental plan as a crime, mothers will do as they please,” says Moselane.
He points out that fathers should familiarise themselves with Section 21 of the Children's Act, where the rights of fathers are listed. The Act refers to them as unmarried fathers.
Moselana is available to assist fathers who need help, and can be contacted on twitter @ZacMoselane