While finding a companion online has seemingly become the go-to option for many, it also comes with judgement, especially for those who are older daters.
Over the past few weeks, there have been several reports of “older” women allegedly falling victim to men online, seeking financial gain rather than companionship.
Last month, Reaction Unit South Africa (Rusa) said women, aged between 65 and 78, approached them, seeking assistance in recovering monies after they were allegedly scammed by a man identifying himself as a medical doctor from the United Kingdom.
Prem Balram, the head of Rusa, said the victims had befriended the man, who identified himself as “Doctor Mike”, on Facebook.
“They said after a brief conversation, ‘Doctor Mike’ promised to visit them in Durban with a romantic date on his arrival. He told them he would be bring $500 000 (about R9 million) in cash into the country.
“All the victims then received WhatsApp messages from him telling them that he was arrested at King Shaka International Airport and the money was confiscated by police. He requested between R20 000 and R50 000 to be transferred immediately into his account, so he could get the dollars released and the women could then fetch him from the airport,” he said.
Balram said the victims transferred money after he sent them messages that he was being held at an underground prison at the airport.
“When the money was transferred, the women then travelled to the airport to await his arrival. The victims were then blocked on social media.”
In addition, last week a 54-year-old man was arrested and charged with theft after he allegedly robbed a 66-year-old woman on their first date after meeting on a dating site.
This sparked much conversation on social media about what the woman should have instead been doing, including “cooking at home to taking care of her grandchildren”.
Kas Naidoo, a relationship and life coach, said there should not be an “expiry age on love, happiness and consciously growing”.
“Human beings are built for connection, so it doesn’t matter one’s age. We crave companionship, conversation, being seen, understood, appreciated and loved. While younger people may look for marriage and build a family; people in their 50s and 60s are often in the empty nest phase of life. If they are divorced or widowed, it can become incredibly lonely.
“Furthermore, older people are looking to share their lives with someone special, to travel, or engage in other activities that they missed out on when they were too busy raising children or building a career.”
Naidoo said people should be applauded for being brave enough to find love again and not shamed.
“The best way to meet a new partner would be if you were introduced to someone that a friend or relative knows over a long period of time. However, people often say to those that are single, ‘you are better off alone’ or ‘all the good ones are taken’. So as a last resort, they turn to dating sites or social media to meet someone.
“However, it is important that adult children support their parents if they want a second chance at finding love and creating a happy, healthy, meaningful relationship. If you can’t support them, then at least respect their decisions. They raised you. It’s not their job to raise your children. They have earned the right to live as they choose.”
Naidoo added that people seeking companionship online should be cautious.
“Dating sites are rife with people with fake profiles, who take advantage of unsuspecting people. So, no matter how sad the story someone tells you; don’t give money to anyone you meet online. You also shouldn’t share personal details of where you live, work or pictures of your children or grandchildren.
“In my 25 years of coaching and 17 years of matching people, I have seen people aged from 20 to 70 getting into new relationships. It warms my heart to see people feel so alive when they find love,” she said.